Mom allows 5-year-old daughter to dress herself for kindergarten, grandma is horrified at the clashing patterns of her outfits: 'She thinks kids will start to think my child is the weird one'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 31, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Kids are very opinionated about how they dress. When my little sister was in preschool, she wore the same rainbow dress nearly every single day. There was nothing you could say to her to get her to change when she had her heart set on that dress. Our mom was willing to accept that this was the look my sister had chosen for that season of her life and washed it multiple times a week so she could enjoy it to the fullest extent. 

Wearing one dress constantly is at least cohesive. What about when your kid wants to dress like they got dressed in the dark? Should parents intervene when they want to wear pink pants with a burnt orange top? How old should kids be when they start choosing their own clothes anyway? A mom of a fiercely independent kindergartener took to Reddit to ask Kindergarten teachers their opinions. 

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    via Sean Foster

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Kindergarten style
    via u/Anileh
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    Our kindergartener dresses herself each morning with minimal input from us (telling her what the weather will be and if she should wear short sleeves or long sleeves).
    via u/Anileh
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    She loves dressing herself, and we love her independence. For the most part, her outfit choices are fine, but from time to time, she will mix patterns - think bold florals on the top and crazy polka dots on the pants. I might gently suggest alternatives, but I never outright make her change. She likes the outfits she puts together and often goes off to kindergarten feeling happy and stylish.
    via u/Anileh
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    The issue is my mother - she's a retired third grade teacher and greets my daughter when she gets off the bus. She is horrified on the days my kindergartner wears clashing patterns. She wants me to put a stop to it because she thinks kids will start to think my child is "the weird one" and says teachers do make judgments about a child (and their parents) based on what they wear.
    via u/Anileh
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    My question to teachers is: When you see a child in a bizarre clothing combo, do you think "Oh the child dressed themselves" or do you think "What was the parent thinking?" (Or both?)
    via u/Anileh
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    Happy_Delay4440 Honestly, if the outfit is really out there I might ask "did you get to pick out your own clothes today?" And then when they say yes proudly tell them they did a great job. Honestly, kindergarten fashion is the best because kids are unapologetically themselves and wear what they like without any outside expectations.
    via u/Happy_Delay4440
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    Neenknits I also ask a child if they dressed themselves, and what a great job they did. They are always so proud! I let my kids do the same. My kids went to a preschool coop, so we were there a lot, helping. I had 4 kids, so over the course of the 12 years I was there, I got to know the teachers. They did the same. There was no judging. Kid was there? More or less on time, in weather appropriate clothing? And clothing they could manage themselves? WIN!
    via u/Neenknits
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    loominglady Over the summer, the dentist asked my son if he dressed himself and put on his own shoes. He was wearing the shoes on the wrong feet and I forget what outfit he put together (I'm probably blocking it out). He confirmed that he did it all himself. She then praised him for being independent and told me she'd rather see a kid try to be independent, even if they get it wrong than have everything done for them (we did fix the shoes though, I'm embarrassed I didn't notice, luckily it was e
    via u/loominglady
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    drppr_ I am not a teacher but I have a kindergartener. We let him wear whatever pairing he wants as long as it is appropriate for the weather. They are just little kids, I don't think anyone is judging their fashion sense. If your kid dresses in clean, safe, and weather appropriate clothing I cannot see the issue.
    via u/drppr_
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    bloominghydrangeas Your mother is likely of a generation where they were drilled into them that appearances matter and was reflective of the morals and worth of the child and parents. And some older teachers and admin may have the same views. But overall times have changed. I tell you this so you can understand your mothers (likely) point of view so it doesn't turn into something needlessly tense among family. It's hard that she actually sees your child every day.
    via u/bloominghydrangeas
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    MiaLba Yep this is it. My boomer mil is that type of person as well. She's always judging complete strangers by what they have on. It doesn't affect her life negatively in any possible way yet she's so personally offended by it.
    via u/MiaLba
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    craftymama45 I taught 2nd grade, and I would just think that the student chose their own outfit. And, I'd find something positive to say about it. "Susie, I love the bright colors in your outfit!" When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, she'd only wear dresses, and the only thing her kindergarten teacher said to me was that she was afraid of ruining her fancy dresses. I assured her that everything I sent her to school in could get dirty. (Usually hand-me-downs or clearance finds)
    via u/craftymama45
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    okayhellojo We've had people compliment my daughter on her Halloween costume twice this week. Nope, that's just a daily look for her.
    via u/okayhellojo
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    Vegetable-Branch-740 I work in a kindergarten room and many kids come in having dressed themselves. No judgements are made and I applaud the parents for encouraging independence.
    via u/Vegetable-Branch-740
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    Tina55704 I'm not a teacher but I do work with kids daily. The only thing I care about with their clothes is if the child is clean, safe, and dressed appropriately for the weather and activity. If your kid is wearing clean clothes and safe for the day's activities, then I'm perfectly happy and not judging. I honestly really appreciate and like it better when parents allow their kids to pick their own clothes - it's cute and good for the child's development.
    via u/Tina55704

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